Random Quote about Random Ship in Random Journal

[dlgood]

I came across this line - a sentiment I've seen many times relating to many different characters in many different relationships, and on many different shows. And it always gets me thinking:

"Character X" accepted "Character Y" for exactly who they was, warts and all. And it made "Y" feel less guilty/wrong/bad about having this very very very dark and twisted side.

And invariably, I'm always left with a question. Why is this such a Good Thing? Shouldn't we feel guilty for having a dark/twisted/evil side?

I recognize that dark/twisted/evil frequently equals "TEH HOT" and "TEH DRAMA", but isn't this the sort of thing we should be working on? Aren't these the traits and aspects that a person is supposed to be trying to improve? Isn't this part and parcel of healthy relationships?

I'm not talking about denying or hiding from the darkness within - I'm talking about working to overcome the darkness within. Granted, one shouldn't be unnecessarily dwelling upon and wallowing in one's inner darkness. But if the lessening of that condition isn't accompanied by sincere attempts at growth beyond the darkness, is it really all that good for those involved?

And frequently, I think, this is why these relationships end up falling apart. Character Y is drawn to Character X, who appreciates the darkness within. Character "Y" ends the relationship because Character "X" cannot actually (and often doesn't care to) help "Y" overcome that darkness. Fans of X/Y gnash teeth at the demise of the relationship, frequently blaming "Y" for being judgemental/snobby/mean (sometimes justifably, sometimes not) in leaving the wonderful "X" behind.

Comments

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

I've always thought of it from the other end: when the person is redeemed he/she will find they no longer be attracted to their partner as they have essentially 'grown out' of them.

That's a real issue. If the relationship is based upon a Negative element rather than a Positive one, it's not going to be sustainable. And trying to maintain it based up cementing the original "darkness" doesn't help because the "darkness" is something that makes Character "Y" profoundly unhappy. Presuming one values the happiness of characters "X" and "Y" more than having a relationship, there comes a point where sustaining the relationship is not a Good Thing.

[cleapet.livejournal.com]

That's a real issue.

Yup. Originally my comment contained two paragraphs of my seriously jaded perspective on real-life relationships. It was too much caring and sharing.

Bringing this back to the more sensible discussion at hand, I have no idea about Character "X" and Character "Y" are, but if an author has to deal with a supernatural circumstance I think it might color things a little differently. For instance, for a B/A fic, I can see Angel always perceiving a need for Buffy, even if he were made human. Buffy...I dunno, I think maybe the best thing would be to kill her off. That would sustain the idea of their relationship. But okay, Buffy is still a slayer, and has a thing for the supernatural guys, so I think there's a good possibility for manipulating a long-term relationship there. B/S OTOH, no; Spike is way too adaptable and has already grown out of his need for Buffy, IMO. I see a post-NFA fling lasting 2 months, tops. Of course, Spike and Angel are dead anyway, so it wouldn't happen. [/deadpan face]

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

As mentioned, it can deal with any number of relationships. The initial quote was actually in reference to Lilah and Wesley.

I'm not so certain Buffy and Angel initially fit the paradigm, as I don't think Buffy or Angel were together specifically disliked themselves. It's not hard to argue that each had various aspects that they disliked about themselves, but it wasn't why either of them hooked up.

Rather, I perceived them holding onto the relationship more a case of romantic illusion in the face of rather daunting realities...

[cleapet.livejournal.com]

Lilah & Wes? Well now, that's different. Tru Luv 4 Eva!

Just kidding.