![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
More Sunday 100 Drabbles, + Comments on Liam & Angel 5.04 Hellbound
These are modified versions of the Drabbles I posted for this week's ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
sunday100 challenge - themed around masks & costumes.
---------------------------------------------------
Title: Her hat has a cow.
Character: Buffy
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: S6
Her hat has a cow.
Be….cause I wanted to be a part of the DoubleMeat experience?
Smiles. Nods. Punches in another order.
You don't belong here. You're something ... you're better than this.
Classes cut and dropped. Seventy-five credits short of the degree she’ll never earn.
I'm sorry Buffy. This conversation is reserved for people who actually have a future.
That's not your world. You belong in the shadows... with me.
This is adulthood? This is exciting?
She provides. Little silent deaths. Dawn’s dinner-sack. Willow-hugs. Joyce’s wedding album for Anya and Xander. Perfunctory patrols.
She pays her bills.
Doesn’t read her battered book of poetry. Doesn’t wear her cross. Doesn't look at Mr. Gordo. Doesn't call England. Burns the course catalog.
I'm sorry Buffy. This conversation is reserved for people who actually have a future.
She has a future. The Chicken-Cow-Hat? It's not a costume. It’s her life.
---------------------------------------------------
Title: Hellbound
Characters: Liam
Rating: PG
Spoilers: AtS 1.15 "The Prodigal"
Charcoals and parchments, buried at the bottom of a trunk. Battered copies of “Robinson Crusoe” and “Moll Flanders” hidden beneath the floorboards.
Not for proper men, father says.
Enough fashion to pass among his set. A jar of product. In the mirror, a charming half-smile and a rakish smirk.
Ties and strings to keep it all in place. Breath of whiskey, devil-may-care attitude, and enough stolen silver to pass one last evening. He’ll never be a proper man.
He halts, discarding the once-cherished rosary in a vase. There’s only one place he’ll ever be going, and it’ll do him no good when he gets there.
---------------------------------------------------
Comments inspired by AtS 5.04 "Hellbound
I've gotten the sense, that Angel has believed himself damned to Hell long before season five.
He's been prone to frustration and despair - whether because of his father's rebuke, horror at the weight of his past crimes, inability to control his bloodlust in the Donut shop, his inability to save Connor, and the loophole in his curse that denies him true intimacy and love.
My pet hope, is that we're leading to a storyline examing the "Liam" in him, and how the real source of both his good as Angel and his acts as Angelus is rooted in traits of his own humanity - ultimately leading to our hero coming to a better integration and understanding of himself. And dare I hope...Shanshu? (Whatever that may actually be.)
I'd gotten the sense through flashbacks and insights in "Spin the Bottle" that Liam wasn't just some simple proto-fratboy. Rather that frustrated ambitions, hopelessness about his own life, and general despair led him to the life of debauchery and drunkeness he'd engaged in before Darla killed him. And that those metaphorical "inner demons", coupled with the lack of soul and demonic drives, ultimately are what fueled Angelus' rampages.
So, I suspect that his current despair and hopelessness may well be stemming from the same places, emotionally, as what led him into the gutters in the past. I like that idea, because the show has periodically gone with the alcoholism metaphor - and the scene where Angel pours himself a drink of blood brought that back to me.
So Angel is despairing and thinks he's damned. Again. Of course, he may very well be wrong. He can change for the better. What he needs, is to find the motivation within to drag himself out of the gutter again, and to resolve what it is about him in that he would keep bringing himself into those gutters in the first place.
To me, "Amends" is still the touchstone episode as to who Angel is. Darla turned him into a demon. The curse unleashed Angelus again. But Liam's the one who chose to descend into drink. Angel retreated from the world, despite knowing he could and should be actively doing good. Angel fired his staff and engaged in vigilantism. It's human weakness. The same human weakness, that shows a more passive, despairing and hopeless Angel in S5. An Angel that seems devoid of joy, passion, and mercy, who seems to be "going through the motions" rather than being pro-active in his position. Unlike Spike, Angel doesn't need a reason or incentive to do good. He doesn't need someone to tell him why he should do good. What he seems to need, is a reason to get out of bed.
Fate has not been particularly kind to Angel. It's often unkind to many of us. Nevertheless, he needs to find the strength to break through his centuries-long patterns of despair. To be able to not only perservere, but remain impassioned in the face of failures. I don't know how that's going to happen, but I suspect it requires him to deal with who Liam was as much, if not more, than Angelus.
sunday100 challenge - themed around masks & costumes.---------------------------------------------------
Title: Her hat has a cow.
Character: Buffy
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: S6
Her hat has a cow.
Be….cause I wanted to be a part of the DoubleMeat experience?
Smiles. Nods. Punches in another order.
You don't belong here. You're something ... you're better than this.
Classes cut and dropped. Seventy-five credits short of the degree she’ll never earn.
I'm sorry Buffy. This conversation is reserved for people who actually have a future.
That's not your world. You belong in the shadows... with me.
This is adulthood? This is exciting?
She provides. Little silent deaths. Dawn’s dinner-sack. Willow-hugs. Joyce’s wedding album for Anya and Xander. Perfunctory patrols.
She pays her bills.
Doesn’t read her battered book of poetry. Doesn’t wear her cross. Doesn't look at Mr. Gordo. Doesn't call England. Burns the course catalog.
I'm sorry Buffy. This conversation is reserved for people who actually have a future.
She has a future. The Chicken-Cow-Hat? It's not a costume. It’s her life.
---------------------------------------------------
Title: Hellbound
Characters: Liam
Rating: PG
Spoilers: AtS 1.15 "The Prodigal"
Charcoals and parchments, buried at the bottom of a trunk. Battered copies of “Robinson Crusoe” and “Moll Flanders” hidden beneath the floorboards.
Not for proper men, father says.
Enough fashion to pass among his set. A jar of product. In the mirror, a charming half-smile and a rakish smirk.
Ties and strings to keep it all in place. Breath of whiskey, devil-may-care attitude, and enough stolen silver to pass one last evening. He’ll never be a proper man.
He halts, discarding the once-cherished rosary in a vase. There’s only one place he’ll ever be going, and it’ll do him no good when he gets there.
---------------------------------------------------
Comments inspired by AtS 5.04 "Hellbound
I've gotten the sense, that Angel has believed himself damned to Hell long before season five.
He's been prone to frustration and despair - whether because of his father's rebuke, horror at the weight of his past crimes, inability to control his bloodlust in the Donut shop, his inability to save Connor, and the loophole in his curse that denies him true intimacy and love.
My pet hope, is that we're leading to a storyline examing the "Liam" in him, and how the real source of both his good as Angel and his acts as Angelus is rooted in traits of his own humanity - ultimately leading to our hero coming to a better integration and understanding of himself. And dare I hope...Shanshu? (Whatever that may actually be.)
I'd gotten the sense through flashbacks and insights in "Spin the Bottle" that Liam wasn't just some simple proto-fratboy. Rather that frustrated ambitions, hopelessness about his own life, and general despair led him to the life of debauchery and drunkeness he'd engaged in before Darla killed him. And that those metaphorical "inner demons", coupled with the lack of soul and demonic drives, ultimately are what fueled Angelus' rampages.
So, I suspect that his current despair and hopelessness may well be stemming from the same places, emotionally, as what led him into the gutters in the past. I like that idea, because the show has periodically gone with the alcoholism metaphor - and the scene where Angel pours himself a drink of blood brought that back to me.
So Angel is despairing and thinks he's damned. Again. Of course, he may very well be wrong. He can change for the better. What he needs, is to find the motivation within to drag himself out of the gutter again, and to resolve what it is about him in that he would keep bringing himself into those gutters in the first place.
To me, "Amends" is still the touchstone episode as to who Angel is. Darla turned him into a demon. The curse unleashed Angelus again. But Liam's the one who chose to descend into drink. Angel retreated from the world, despite knowing he could and should be actively doing good. Angel fired his staff and engaged in vigilantism. It's human weakness. The same human weakness, that shows a more passive, despairing and hopeless Angel in S5. An Angel that seems devoid of joy, passion, and mercy, who seems to be "going through the motions" rather than being pro-active in his position. Unlike Spike, Angel doesn't need a reason or incentive to do good. He doesn't need someone to tell him why he should do good. What he seems to need, is a reason to get out of bed.
Fate has not been particularly kind to Angel. It's often unkind to many of us. Nevertheless, he needs to find the strength to break through his centuries-long patterns of despair. To be able to not only perservere, but remain impassioned in the face of failures. I don't know how that's going to happen, but I suspect it requires him to deal with who Liam was as much, if not more, than Angelus.
no subject
The only thing I thought of when I saw Angel drinking blood from that crystal decanter was "oh. fuck. He's in trouble again, isn't he?" Because every time he is casual about what he is? He gets kicked in the head.
Tragic hero. Odysseus. The Hanged Man. That's our boy, all right.
no subject
That scene is interesting, because even as he's casually taking from the decanter, there's nothing really casual about it for the character's story. He'll get kicked in the head by fate, fully knowing he's playing right into it, but too paralyzed to do aught else.
Tragic hero. Odysseus. The Hanged Man. That's our boy, all right.
Yup. Add "superfluous man" to that list. What really grips, are the moments where you cut through and recognize that he knows.
What else can we do
Some see the idea of salvation as a crutch. Angel's Shanshu is just lame (though for some reason, if Spike got it, that would be cool) to these people. I am not one of these people. "Judgment" dealt with this rather well. Season 2 dealt with this rather well. You can't work for salvation. Motives matter. However, that doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
People are asses. Some do make us pay for everything always. Angel had changed, but Holtz didn't care. His need for vengeance overrode his sense of justice. There are a lot of people like that. Then there are ones that believe in change and might even help us change. Not everyone makes us pay for everything always. We can be damned and saved simultaneously. I'd like to see the show reflect this.
Even if everyone around us accepts our change, there is only one person's whose opinion matters, our own. That is one thing I've always liked about Angel. He has an opinion about himself and that opinion isn't swayed by others. In "Angel" Buffy could tell Angel he wasn't a monster, but it took her giving him the opportunity for him to feed and him not taking it for him to start to believe. In "Amends" she pulls an Esther of sorts. Telling Angel he isn't a monster doesn't work. "What about me" gets to him. If Angel is a monster, than Buffy loves a monster. He HAS to be something more than that. Angel doesn't believe he is stronger than the demon, UNTIL he faces the pure form of it on Pylea and does come back. What makes Angel quite the man in my eyes is that he can accept this evidence and realize he has changed.
His belief about the universe has just gotten worse and worse. Angelus' comments about the human condition in "Orpheus" were chilling. That is what Angel believes inside. He puts on a brave face for the world, for his friends, but it is to Spike that he was honest. He doesn't need to hide things from Spike. When he was resouled, he sucked, the world didn't. Now it is the reverse. It's just the flip side of the coin, a coin that was cast when he was Liam.
I don't think he believes he deserves to be damned. That is just how the world works. As Pavayne told Spike, the soul he has damns him. It makes Angel part of the human condition and the human condition sucks. No matter what he does, it will continue to suck. So what does he do?
What will the show do? That will depend on what the writers, especially Joss believes. If there is no ultimate purpose and we have to make our own, how will that be shown? Will each character make their own purpose as they explore how they fit into Wolfram and Hart and more importantly into the world? Will they all have one overriding purpose and just find individual ways to serve that?
My hope is that they do revisit "What else can we do" but it isn't cause for despair. It is cause for hope. Theoretically, we can do a lot. Realistically, we are guided by something (for Angel, it's his soul). The humanity that causes us to suffer also provides a means to deal with that suffering. We can't stop caring. Angel tried that. Instead we can do as the Spirit Guide told Buffy and turn that pain into great strength. In this lies our salvation.
Are we damned forever? I hope not. As long as I have hope, I won't be because the only one that can ultimately damn me is myself.
Great Essay
We can certainly hope "our hero" finds this sort of enlightenment.
He's no angel. No devil, either
If this is true, then it comes and goes. Because I think he had hope after he met Buffy (before losing his soul again in s. 2) and then he had hope again after the Shanshu prophecy (until he realized he could never make up for his past crimes), and then he had hope again when he was first raising his baby son (until that son disappeared and came back as his greatest accuser).
My pet hope, is that we're leading to a storyline examing the "Liam" in him, and how the real source of both his good as Angel and his acts as Angelus is rooted in traits of his own humanity - ultimately leading to our hero coming to a better integration and understanding of himself.
I'd gotten the sense through flashbacks and insights in "Spin the Bottle" that Liam wasn't just some simple proto-fratboy. Rather that frustrated ambitions, hopelessness about his own life, and general despair led him to the life of debauchery and drunkeness he'd engaged in before Darla killed him. And that those metaphorical "inner demons", coupled with the lack of soul and demonic drives, ultimately are what fueled Angelus' rampages.
I have my own analysis how young Liam (STB) informed older Liam (Becoming/The Prodigal) informed Angelus on my site.
The question of Angel's integration is interesting, because most of the time he doesn't disown Angelus verbally, he calls his unsouled time "me" and "I". He acknowledges that it was him, just unsouled. And he owns his actions as Angelus. When he was "fighting for redemption" he was fighting to make up for his unsouled actions. Now that he thinks he's going to hell, he believes it is because of his (mostly) unsouled actions. That's owning one's own behavoir.
But there is another part of him that wants to see his souled self as a better person, as capable of doing good (indeed, over-committed to doing good). So I'm wondering part of his guilt this season stems from being so tied to the label of "Champion" last season that he neglected those times he could have helped Connor as a father.
And dare I hope...Shanshu? (Whatever that may actually be.)
Who knows if this prophecy even applies to Angel. But by the number of people predicting it's really about Spike is almost cliche and predictable now. It'd be interesting if it does turn out to be about Angel after all.
What he needs, is to find the motivation within to drag himself out of the gutter again, and to resolve what it is about him in that he would keep bringing himself into those gutters in the first place.
In a word, too much guilt. And the need to overcompensate for it with either manic dives into his "champion" persona or "I'm trash doomed to hell" despair. He lets his slip-ups like the one in the donut shop or the one in the 50's Hyperion hotel drive him into despair. He lets his inability to make up for all his past wrongs drive him into noir-depair. He lets his failures with baby Connor and teen Connor drive him into despair. He seems to believe in a false dichotomy whereby he's either an angel or a monster. He can't let every mistake get to him. He's only human, if you know what I mean.
Re: He's no angel. No devil, either
Hence the "he's prone to"... But he's still in this place where he needs a kick in the pants to pull himself out of his funks - Darla forcing him to choose to kill or save the baby, Whistler telling him he can either be a hero or an even more useless waste, etc...
I happen to like your analysis. It's not so much that he has "too much guilt" as though such a thing is quantifiable. More accurately, as you note, the problem is how he deals with his guilt.
He seems to believe in a false dichotomy whereby he's either an angel or a monster.
I'd agree. If on the one hand, he can never make up for past wrongs, then on the other, his wrongs don't negate the good work he's been doing to overcome that past. That understanding that, even as he strives for "the good", life is found in the spaces between champion and devil.
Maybe he should change his name back to Liam
Well, he's been letting his life fall through the cracks between champion and devil. Pushing away chances at romantic love (even the one where he didn't have his little "handicap"), pushing away his opportunity for fatherhood (see my scathing little rebuke re: Connor in Kds's season 5 review thread), pushing away his friends repeatedly.
Perhaps the only way to Shanshu is to live life as if he was a normal human being. Good luck with that, Ang.
Re: Maybe he should change his name back to Liam
Good luck, indeed. Quoting from TSiLA:
------------------------------
Wesley: "Angel's cut off. Death doesn't bother him because - there is nothing in life he wants! It's our desires that make us human."
Cordyhnut: "Angel is kind of human. - He's got a soul."
Wesley: "He's got a soul - but he's not a part of the world. He-he can never be part of the world."
Wesley: "What connects us to life is the simple truth that we are part of it. - We live, we grow, we change. - But Angel..."
Cordy: "Can't do any of those things. - Well, what are you saying - that Angel has nothing to look forward to? That he going to go on forever, in the world, but always cut off from it?"
Wesley: "Yes."
Cordy: "Well, that sucks! We've got to do something. We've got to help him."
Wesley: "I'm not sure we can."
-------------------------------------------
Seeing this, I think I know exactly what he needs to be doing. And such. But I've no idea how he could really find it in himself to do these things, after his setbacks of the past few years. Gah.
I thought immediately of that conversation
Other people posted at the time that perhaps this was his Shanshu, not that he would become human, but that Connor's humanity was his Shanshu.
Well, leave it ME to find a way to pick that up by the neck and rip its heart out!
You know, it seems to me that Joss and company enjoy tormenting Angel a lot more than they enjoy tormenting Buffy. It's often said she's the queen of pain and a heck of a (pretty) cryer, but in the final scene in "BtVS", she's alive, empowered and empowering, with her friends and has her sister beside her.
Meanwhile, Angel's constantly crashing and burning--estranged from his friends, lost his son, lost all his women, working for an evil law firm.
Want to start laying down odds what the final scene in "AtS" will look like?
Re: I thought immediately of that conversation
The MoG will kick Angel out of Wolfram & Hart, turning things over to Spike. Angel, sulking off on his own, will find a mythical Shillelagh. Then, Buffy will return from Europe with a shiny cookie tin. Using the Shillelagh and the Cookie Tin, Angel will re-ensoul all the vampires. In the end, Angel will be smiling with friends and family beside him.
--Actually, I'd end the series with him sitting on a rooftop, Batman-like as he did in "City of..."
Re: I thought immediately of that conversation
Of course, that's his "Me Big Champion" stance, and I think we both agree he needs to find a way of getting past "I'm either a champion or scum" way of thinking and end up with some (quasi-)happy human-like medium.
Masq, who remembers the days when her ideal way for BtVS to end was to have Shanshued human Angel walking off hand-in-hand with Buffy into the sunset
Re: I thought immediately of that conversation
The camera pulls back to reveal it's actually Angel, sitting in a soundstage, filming a commercial for "Wilson's Billowy Leather Coats". He slips out the back door, and walks hand-and-hand into the sunset with Buffy.
Yeah!
Yeah! Except for that part where Angel sells out to the Capitalist conspiracy and gets a job flaunting the Hair and the Coat for Madison Avenue.
Masq, fondly remembering that line of Willow's from "The Gift":
"I'm your - no, I-I was never a gun. Someone else should be the gun. I, I could be a, a shillelagh. Or, or a pointy stick."
Re: Yeah!
Actually - they're doing it for "the people". See, they do the adds to get a discount bulk rate on leather apparel for all those Slayers & Souled Vampires out there with the world saving... And the proceeds are going to the teen shelters Chantarelle/Lily/Anne has set up across the US.
Snerk
Re: Snerk
My nomination for last scene....
Angel is cooking for the people around it (like the scene when Wesley turns up and is invited in for dinner). The people around the table can be subject to plot/personal/casting issue/thematic related preferences.
Then he sits down with them. Eats with them, drinks with them.
In my view, this would pull in themes going back to early BtVS, Pangs, early AtS and Deep Down.
Re: My nomination for last scene....
I'd prefer it even more if we see Angel visibly aged in that scene.
Parting Gifts and Home
My ending
It doesn't rip its heart out, just Angel's. It makes it the story of Abraham/Isaac. God demanded the sacrifice of the one thing that was meant to fulfill His promise. When Abraham did this, the angel told Abraham that he proved he feared the Lord and the promise would be fulfilled. Take this to Angel. If Connor was believed to be the way Angel Shanshued after he really found his humanity with Darla and love demanded Angel to give up his good deeds (what he needs to stack up) in order to save Connor, it gives the story even more heart.
Angel was willing to sacrifice Connor for love. That love will eventually fulfill the prophecy in some way. I think the fitting ending would be for Angel to Shanshu because of something Connor does because of his new life. Here is the ending I would like to see. Connor is going to be a father. His unborn child is in danger and Connor turns to Angel for help. He doesn't know that Angel is his father. They work closely together. Connor really likes Angel and they bond. Connor dies saving Angel and his last words are for Angel to look after his child.
It would be even more mythic if Buffy or Dawn was the mother, but that might be pushing it. It sets up the big screen with both casts being needed pretty well.
Don't lose hope. Angel crashes and burns, but what he wants is always met in some unexpected way. Season 4 didn't end with "Home." It ended with "Chosen" and sometimes. He started this season searching for Cordy and ended up getting some hope from Buffy.