Random Quote about Random Ship in Random Journal

[dlgood]

I came across this line - a sentiment I've seen many times relating to many different characters in many different relationships, and on many different shows. And it always gets me thinking:

"Character X" accepted "Character Y" for exactly who they was, warts and all. And it made "Y" feel less guilty/wrong/bad about having this very very very dark and twisted side.

And invariably, I'm always left with a question. Why is this such a Good Thing? Shouldn't we feel guilty for having a dark/twisted/evil side?

I recognize that dark/twisted/evil frequently equals "TEH HOT" and "TEH DRAMA", but isn't this the sort of thing we should be working on? Aren't these the traits and aspects that a person is supposed to be trying to improve? Isn't this part and parcel of healthy relationships?

I'm not talking about denying or hiding from the darkness within - I'm talking about working to overcome the darkness within. Granted, one shouldn't be unnecessarily dwelling upon and wallowing in one's inner darkness. But if the lessening of that condition isn't accompanied by sincere attempts at growth beyond the darkness, is it really all that good for those involved?

And frequently, I think, this is why these relationships end up falling apart. Character Y is drawn to Character X, who appreciates the darkness within. Character "Y" ends the relationship because Character "X" cannot actually (and often doesn't care to) help "Y" overcome that darkness. Fans of X/Y gnash teeth at the demise of the relationship, frequently blaming "Y" for being judgemental/snobby/mean (sometimes justifably, sometimes not) in leaving the wonderful "X" behind.

Comments

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

one of the first things they stress with anyone who is there as a relative/friend of the addict is that love needs to be conditional. I'm not sure why there's such a negative spin on that idea

Because, sometimes people are weenies and don't want to do the sort of hard work that sort of self-improvement that calls for? And given that my biggest flaw is probably my total lack of ambition/motivation/discipline, that can be pretty hard.