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I came across this line - a sentiment I've seen many times relating to many different characters in many different relationships, and on many different shows. And it always gets me thinking:
And invariably, I'm always left with a question. Why is this such a Good Thing? Shouldn't we feel guilty for having a dark/twisted/evil side?
I recognize that dark/twisted/evil frequently equals "TEH HOT" and "TEH DRAMA", but isn't this the sort of thing we should be working on? Aren't these the traits and aspects that a person is supposed to be trying to improve? Isn't this part and parcel of healthy relationships?
I'm not talking about denying or hiding from the darkness within - I'm talking about working to overcome the darkness within. Granted, one shouldn't be unnecessarily dwelling upon and wallowing in one's inner darkness. But if the lessening of that condition isn't accompanied by sincere attempts at growth beyond the darkness, is it really all that good for those involved?
And frequently, I think, this is why these relationships end up falling apart. Character Y is drawn to Character X, who appreciates the darkness within. Character "Y" ends the relationship because Character "X" cannot actually (and often doesn't care to) help "Y" overcome that darkness. Fans of X/Y gnash teeth at the demise of the relationship, frequently blaming "Y" for being judgemental/snobby/mean (sometimes justifably, sometimes not) in leaving the wonderful "X" behind.
"Character X" accepted "Character Y" for exactly who they was, warts and all. And it made "Y" feel less guilty/wrong/bad about having this very very very dark and twisted side.
And invariably, I'm always left with a question. Why is this such a Good Thing? Shouldn't we feel guilty for having a dark/twisted/evil side?
I recognize that dark/twisted/evil frequently equals "TEH HOT" and "TEH DRAMA", but isn't this the sort of thing we should be working on? Aren't these the traits and aspects that a person is supposed to be trying to improve? Isn't this part and parcel of healthy relationships?
I'm not talking about denying or hiding from the darkness within - I'm talking about working to overcome the darkness within. Granted, one shouldn't be unnecessarily dwelling upon and wallowing in one's inner darkness. But if the lessening of that condition isn't accompanied by sincere attempts at growth beyond the darkness, is it really all that good for those involved?
And frequently, I think, this is why these relationships end up falling apart. Character Y is drawn to Character X, who appreciates the darkness within. Character "Y" ends the relationship because Character "X" cannot actually (and often doesn't care to) help "Y" overcome that darkness. Fans of X/Y gnash teeth at the demise of the relationship, frequently blaming "Y" for being judgemental/snobby/mean (sometimes justifably, sometimes not) in leaving the wonderful "X" behind.
no subject
It would be the sane thing. But if your own damage is - "they're with me because of their own damage, so really, I guess they'd better not do too good of a job healing it because I want them for myself more than I actually care about their well-being" then there's a big ol' problem.
Love should be conditional.
As Dear Ol' Dad would say - I love you son, but you've got to grow the hell up. (or I will kick your ass...)