Random Quote about Random Ship in Random Journal

[dlgood]

I came across this line - a sentiment I've seen many times relating to many different characters in many different relationships, and on many different shows. And it always gets me thinking:

"Character X" accepted "Character Y" for exactly who they was, warts and all. And it made "Y" feel less guilty/wrong/bad about having this very very very dark and twisted side.

And invariably, I'm always left with a question. Why is this such a Good Thing? Shouldn't we feel guilty for having a dark/twisted/evil side?

I recognize that dark/twisted/evil frequently equals "TEH HOT" and "TEH DRAMA", but isn't this the sort of thing we should be working on? Aren't these the traits and aspects that a person is supposed to be trying to improve? Isn't this part and parcel of healthy relationships?

I'm not talking about denying or hiding from the darkness within - I'm talking about working to overcome the darkness within. Granted, one shouldn't be unnecessarily dwelling upon and wallowing in one's inner darkness. But if the lessening of that condition isn't accompanied by sincere attempts at growth beyond the darkness, is it really all that good for those involved?

And frequently, I think, this is why these relationships end up falling apart. Character Y is drawn to Character X, who appreciates the darkness within. Character "Y" ends the relationship because Character "X" cannot actually (and often doesn't care to) help "Y" overcome that darkness. Fans of X/Y gnash teeth at the demise of the relationship, frequently blaming "Y" for being judgemental/snobby/mean (sometimes justifably, sometimes not) in leaving the wonderful "X" behind.

Comments

[valancy.livejournal.com]

Agreed. I'll never forget hearing, after I felt I'd really royally screwed things up, "Now you're a deeper, more complex person...you understand things more because you've been to the dark side."

My response was simply "Yeah, I understand I royally screwed things up."

Darkness does not necessarily equal depth, in life or in fiction. This is why I can't read nontragic Harry/Draco.

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

I do think it's useful to be more self-aware about one's flaws. But, I think that usefulness reaches a limit if we don't actually do anything about those flaws other than continuing to exhibit them.

[valancy.livejournal.com]

It's the idea of positive evil that bugs me - I was mostly reacting to your one line, "Why is this such a Good Thing? Shouldn't we feel guilty for having a dark/twisted/evil side?", which it seems, now that I read the comments, most people took in a different direction. I loved Lilah/Wes and the darkness it explored; but I disliked late pre-soul Spike/Buffy (and post-soul, but for different reasons) for that reason. Self aware is good, but celebration of flaws, even in fanfic, tends to bug me - it's important how the author handles it v. how the character feels. You can write about darkness without condoning it per se. I like the acknowledgement of the fact that it IS darkness, I guess you could say.

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

I fine with how Lilah/Wesley is portrayed on screen. It's the argument I'm used to hearing - that he shouldn't have left her, and that she's perfect for him because she "accepts his darkness" and "makes him feel less guilty about his evil" - that bugs me. Lilah should feel guilty for the life she's lead. Wesley should be guilty for the twisted/evil/bad he's perpetrated.

But the thing is - Wesley can look at it and recognize that if he wants to be a "good" person and do good, he can't continue to have an affair with her as long as she remains unrepentant. There's the complaint that Wesley's just being Moralistic - when in fact - he's really being Moral. Lilah's lifestyle is sexy and appealing, but it's a horrible life to lead if you have a conscience. And living that way isn't really going to make us healthy or happy.

It could be argued, that Wesley should have tried harder to coax her toward the side of "good" too, and I wouldn't dispute that. But the responsibility for that is really on Lilah. At least, while she's unwilling to change who she is, she's willing enough to let Wes go and do what he needs to do. Unlike Spike, who is actively sabotaging Buffy's attempt to help herself. Neither speak to the long-term viability a partisan of either relationship would want to trumpet.