Random Quote about Random Ship in Random Journal

[dlgood]

I came across this line - a sentiment I've seen many times relating to many different characters in many different relationships, and on many different shows. And it always gets me thinking:

"Character X" accepted "Character Y" for exactly who they was, warts and all. And it made "Y" feel less guilty/wrong/bad about having this very very very dark and twisted side.

And invariably, I'm always left with a question. Why is this such a Good Thing? Shouldn't we feel guilty for having a dark/twisted/evil side?

I recognize that dark/twisted/evil frequently equals "TEH HOT" and "TEH DRAMA", but isn't this the sort of thing we should be working on? Aren't these the traits and aspects that a person is supposed to be trying to improve? Isn't this part and parcel of healthy relationships?

I'm not talking about denying or hiding from the darkness within - I'm talking about working to overcome the darkness within. Granted, one shouldn't be unnecessarily dwelling upon and wallowing in one's inner darkness. But if the lessening of that condition isn't accompanied by sincere attempts at growth beyond the darkness, is it really all that good for those involved?

And frequently, I think, this is why these relationships end up falling apart. Character Y is drawn to Character X, who appreciates the darkness within. Character "Y" ends the relationship because Character "X" cannot actually (and often doesn't care to) help "Y" overcome that darkness. Fans of X/Y gnash teeth at the demise of the relationship, frequently blaming "Y" for being judgemental/snobby/mean (sometimes justifably, sometimes not) in leaving the wonderful "X" behind.

Comments

[dlgood.livejournal.com]

Buffy had moved in the Faith direction. I think the darkness is not to be destroyed, but maybe channeled.

If the "darkness" is a fundamental part of who we are, we can't destroy it without destroying ourselves. But we can still overcome it. For example - an alcoholic feels the urge to take a drink. But the alcoholic overcomes that urge by becoming aware of that urge, accepting that they have the urge, but not giving in to that urge.

We struggle to do that with our own inner darkness every day. By S7,
Buffy may have gained a better acceptance of her darkness, but she hasn't become it. She's using her awareness to avoid falling fully prey to the darker aspects of her nature. That's the overcoming part.

But again, remember I don't know the Wes-Lilah story very well. So probably shouldn't have commented.

No! Your comment is perfectly valid, as the discussion was meant to be more general than specific.