I certainly agree with the points you've made in both paragraphs. If "being in the light" is a priority for Spike - then it's on him to find methods and mentors to help him get there, whether Buffy chooses to help him or not. Spike's journey into the light really needn't be contingent upon romancing Buffy, or upon her "allowing" or "shepherding" him there. I concur with your key point - namely that Buffy doesn't get to tell him which box (S6 monster, S7 man) is his because, ultimately, Spike must take responsibility for Spike. I think, in both seasons, Spike was all too passive in choosing his boxes - and it undermines the message Whedon claims he was trying to communicate through the storyline.
It would have been most impressive if Buffy had worked more to encourage Spike to be a better person in S6. In Buffy's case, I think she's really unable to encourage Spike, because she's using the relationship with him to escape her traumas rather than confront them. When Angel acts as sponsor/mentor to Faith, it's essentially Step 12 of Alcoholics Anonymous. I suspected that some of her sponsorship of Spike in S7, operated along those lines - obligation to self to help the other as part of a struggle to help oneself come back from a dark place. S6 Buffy, I don't think was in any shape to do that for him, and it's equally possible Spike wouldn't have responded well either. Still, it's a huge missed opportunity on her part, and her poor conduct is something that I think she's had to account for.
But that was Buffy's failure, and while interconnected with Spike's, it in no way absolves him of his own failings. Each character should be held responsible for themselves.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
It would have been most impressive if Buffy had worked more to encourage Spike to be a better person in S6. In Buffy's case, I think she's really unable to encourage Spike, because she's using the relationship with him to escape her traumas rather than confront them. When Angel acts as sponsor/mentor to Faith, it's essentially Step 12 of Alcoholics Anonymous. I suspected that some of her sponsorship of Spike in S7, operated along those lines - obligation to self to help the other as part of a struggle to help oneself come back from a dark place. S6 Buffy, I don't think was in any shape to do that for him, and it's equally possible Spike wouldn't have responded well either. Still, it's a huge missed opportunity on her part, and her poor conduct is something that I think she's had to account for.
But that was Buffy's failure, and while interconnected with Spike's, it in no way absolves him of his own failings. Each character should be held responsible for themselves.